I know too much.

I think the reason I am so scared of having a special needs child is that I already know how lonely it is. And I feel like just as I was clawing my way up out of my pit of doom, God stepped on my fingers and kicked me back down into the pit.

Back to a million therapy appointments. Back to trying to explain what you’re going through to people who literally can’t understand because they’ve never experienced it. Back to apologizing for insane behavior. Back to noticing people staring in the supermarket.

Fun fact: Did you know when you walk through a grocery store with children who are MULTIPLE different colors than you without an adult male in tow, you get some LOOKS.

I know. I need to meet other Down Syndrome families. I know. I’m going to make new connections. I know. This baby is a blessing. I know. There are so many resources.

I know.

But I also know what it’s like to try and confess your struggle and connect with someone and be dismissed. I know what it’s like to not be believed. I know what it’s like to accept public praise for “what you’ve done” while inside you’re fighting the urge to run. To scream. To quit.

I know too much about it. It sucks.