I’ve spent the last year of my life running from this dream. This dream where I’m writing, connecting, learning and searching for God. Every excuse I could find I used. I’m not good enough. I don’t have enough time. My focus should be on my kids. I don’t even really know if this is what God has for me. I don’t even really know if this is something I would like. Any excuse to push it away.
What changed? Well there were a series of less than coincidental events that led me to believe that I could do what I wanted. Imagine that. I began to believe that maybe I do have a voice that matters. I also got physically tired of wondering if I was falling short of the possibilities life had for me. And I made a conscience decision to stop leaning in to the fear of how you all might feel about me and what I choose to write or what you might think about my ego. I let go of my nightmares surrounding semi-colons and stopped caring if my writing isn’t good enough. I also accepted the possibility that in 2 years I might realize I really don’t like writing and having to deal with telling everyone that this was just another Lauren Blauw fad (of which I’ve had many in my life).
I’m trying to do a better of job of leaning in to what God has been speaking to me. I want the unknown to be an irrelevant factor in everything God calls me to. God tells us that there is a lesson to learn in every calling, whether we fail or succeed. It shouldn’t matter what the end of the story is if we know that God has called us to begin it.
So I’m going to chase this calling and I SO hope you will join me and challenge me and cheer me on.
Lauren Blauw 