Tag: focus

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Finding Joy

It’s been a week since I started this challenge of vulnerability.  My therapist says that I have vulnerability issues.  I laughed when she said that.  I laughed because it was one of those moments when your life is completely shaken by one simple observation.  One simple observation that explains a thousand moments of stress and regret.  I have a hard time being vulnerable.  But then again, who doesn’t?

We are living in front of screens and not people.  We are texting and not talking.  We are listening to podcasts and not to people.  And everything we consume appears perfect.  Perfectly dressed, perfectly posed, perfectly lit, perfectly photo-shopped and perfectly captioned with the perfect #Hashtag.   And I’m guilty.  I’ve tried so hard to keep up.  To fit in online.  To get more likes or comments.

The night my therapist told me I have vulnerability issues I went on a walk.  I decided to listen to a podcast during my walk and absolutely by chance clicked on a podcast conversation between Oprah and Brene Brown.  Just so happens Brene Brown was talking to Oprah about vulnerability.  It was a God moment for me.  How could the conversation with my therapist and my random choice of podcast be a coincidence?  I had something to learn and I could have walked for hours listening to the knowledge of this woman who also struggles with vulnerability.  And here’s what I learned.  Without vulnerability we have no authenticity, no creativity and make it explicitly difficult to ever really truly feel joy.

What does vulnerability have to do with joy you ask?  Well, if I build-up my walls to avoid feeling bad feelings (shame, guilt, fear, disappointment, regret etc.) how do good feelings make it through the walls?  It makes fundamental sense that you can’t isolate out the bad and only feel the good.  If I’m not willing to lean-in to the bad, I can’t lean-in to the good.  And I can admit that I don’t often feel joy.  Because I’m not sure how to lean-in to those moments.

Long-story short it came down practicing creativity creates comfort-ability with vulnerability, which in turn will lead to a more authentic state of self.  That’s where I’m headed.  So I’m writing, using my creativity and putting it out there.  Opening myself up and being vulnerable in the search for true, genuine and pro-longed moments of joy.

 

 

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I Don’t Even Recognize Her

I don’t even recognize her.  She was so full of life and hope.  Nothing could stop her, nothing could slow her down or convince her to change course.  She’d never be defeated; her trust was in the Lord.

Today, her spirit isn’t jaded or weakened but thankful and stronger.  She hasn’t learned the hard way but has learned God’s way.  It’s work.  She’s been disciplined through love; for a greater purpose.  Her story isn’t the result of naivety but of hope.

I remember when she was asked to do the hard thing.  Her confidence.  So self-assured and focused on the goal set before her.

Now she’s living it.  It isn’t a goal or daydream full of whimsy but a reality.  She’s where God called her – the hard place.  Her confidence is not diminished but re-assigned, it’s no longer in her but in Him.  She’s no longer thinking that she is strong enough but that He is strong enough.  She’s seeing firsthand what He can do through a willing heart.  She is tired but wise.  She has been hurt but hasn’t lost.  She has failed and seen redemption.  Today, she is not less but more.  She has failed but hasn’t lost focus.

I don’t even recognize her.  Maybe I don’t want to.  Maybe I’m embarrassed of her.  The young woman I was 10 years ago.  I loved a God I didn’t really know.

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She Follows Through

I started my spiritual-awakening while completing Nicki Koziarz bible study on 5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit.  It takes you through the incredible non-stop obedience of Ruth.   One of the discussion questions towards the end of the study was to use 3 words to describe your journey through the study.  After some thought I decided my 3 words were Reluctance, Revelation and Re-focused.

Reluctance

I really thought this study sounded stupid.  Also, once I saw a play on the story of Ruth and Naomi and wanted to stab my eyes out.  Or rip my ears off?  Maybe both.  My point is, that play left the wrong impression on me as to what exactly Ruth had to offer me personally.

Revelation

“She follows through despite how she feels.”  The second habit. 

I wanted to step into my calling but, Dear Lord, I’m so tired.

I wanted to write but I felt like people would think I was an egomaniac for feeling that I had anything of value to say.

I felt like God was calling me to something but I wasn’t sure what it was or where to start.

“She stays open to the movement of God.”  The Third Habit.

Discerning the voice of God has at times been very easy for me to do.  However, I sensed this movement for 9 months, with no clear indication of what I was supposed to do.  I am a very mission-minded individual so it is hard for me to start task managing when I can’t see the big picture.  So instead of moving, I stood still, waiting for God.  One of my favorite preachers once said:  While you are waiting for God to come down, He is waiting for you to get up!  I needed to get up.  I got up – like an 80 year old woman would get up off the floor but let’s not talk details.

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” Zechariah 4:10 [NLT]

Re-Focused

I cannot describe the joy and excitement in my heart after my revelation.  When you can’t start task-managing fast enough after standing still for so long, you know it’s a God Assignment.  I paid for my domain name, created a Facebook page, scheduled a photo shoot and started hounding my Social Media friend, Liz Jostes from Eli Rose Social Media non-stop.  I’m ready and re-focused.  I have no idea what to expect but I’m not going to quit.  I’m going to finish.

If you are looking for a great, easy yet scripturally focused study, check out 5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit by Nicki Koziarz.  What is it that you need to finish?