Tag: Friendship

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You Will Always Get My Christmas Card

Excerpt from Southern Living, “The Etiquette of Taking Someone Off Your Christmas Card List”, October 31, 2023

{“Most people, out of habit, stick to the same ‘holiday card list’ they have used for years and sometimes decades, which is often outdated for one reason or another,” said Diane Gottsman, international etiquette expert, author, and founder of the Protocol School of Texas. “Relationships change, friendships wane, and people (physically and literally) move on.”

If your list hasn’t been updated in several years, it may be time to reexamine it—and perhaps make a few cuts. Read on for the etiquette on how to remove someone from your Christmas card list.}

I’m not here to judge. The cost of Christmas cards can really add up. Price per card, paper quality, foil lined envelopes, postage; I understand.

Some of you don’t do Christmas cards and I understand that too. It’s not your thing and I totally get it.

But it’s my thing. I love to send Christmas cards for many reasons. One being that I’m proud of my family. Not proud in a “keeping up with the joneses” type of way but proud in a “damn, we made it” type of way.

Another reason I love to send Christmas cards is because for many on my list it will be the only point of contact I’ll have with you this year. And if you are on my list then you are someone from my past who impacted me in such a way as to carve yourself onto my heart. Old co-workers who felt like family, friends I laughed with in church 15 years ago, people I hardly know who sent meals and gift cards when my baby was in the hospital, teachers who have selflessly embraced my most difficult child …… just to name a few.

I’ve thought only a few times about reducing my Christmas card list; usually when money has felt especially tight. But I just can’t seem to hit delete without feeling as though I’m in turn deleting the memories. Every name on my list is a person who has provided counsel, friendship, care, love, service, laughter, a place to lean or some combination of those things and I want you to know that …… I can’t delete you.

My Christmas card list is the unexpected reminder each year of how beautiful this world is. How filled with goodness this world is. How good the people of this world are. Even on the darkest of holiday seasons when I don’t even want to try and see the good things, I look at my list and am reminded of how many people have decided to show up for me over the years. And quite frankly, I don’t want to ‘move on’ from you.

If you receive a card from me and feel as though you need to send one back, you don’t. Please don’t trouble yourself. If you don’t send cards and feel guilty when you receive one from me; please don’t. If you are someone who does in fact weed out people from their card list and think I’m shaming you; I’m not.

I send Christmas cards because I want you to know that I still like thinking about you. That I still cherish our quiet, distant and otherwise obsolete friendship.

You will always get my Christmas card.

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Be A Stephanie

I have a personal motto/affirmation I say to myself whenever I am tempted to give in to social anxieties. The motto is simple and to the point: Be a Stephanie.

What on God’s green earth does that mean, you might ask. Well, it’s simple. In a world full of timid interactions and second-guessed moments: Be a Stephanie.

Who on God’s green earth is Stephanie, you might ask. Well it’s an odd story. Stephanie is a girl/woman/lady I meet at a mutual friends bachelorette party. Stephanie was at this party solo.  She knew no one other than the bride and had flown into Chicago from New Jersey just for this party. The spectacular thing about Stephanie is that I had no idea she didn’t know anyone until hours into the party, when I had already decided I liked her.

Stephanie took initiative in starting conversations and was the first to offer help to the hosts at every turn. Conversation with Stephanie wasn’t simply pleasant and definitely wasn’t awkward. Talking to Stephanie was as easy as talking to any good friend.

Stephanie’s view of and appreciation for the company surrounding her was obvious. Even though she didn’t know them, she genuinely seemed to like where she was at that moment. Her heart for the guest of honor was obvious.  Repeatedly stating that she just wanted the bride-to-be to have the absolute best time of her life that night. Stephanie didn’t just say that but she took action to make it happen. Her decisions throughout the night were not based on her own comfort or enjoyment but on the comfort and enjoyment of the bachelorette.

I have never seen Stephanie again since that bachelorette party. I don’t even know her last name to find her on Facebook. But her spirit made an incredible impact on my life in a short 24 hours. Telling my husband about the party on the way home I spoke of Stephanie and I said: I want to be a Stephanie. I want to make other people feel as good and included as Stephanie made me feel.

So there you have it. When I’m in a situation where I’m uncertain of my surroundings. When I’m not sure how to act or who to talk to and find myself questioning each moment rather than enjoying them I remind myself: Be a Stephanie.

Rather than worry if others are seeing you, make others feel seen.

Rather than trying to be the life of the party, make sure others feel heard.

Rather than recoiling after an odd interaction with someone, move on. Let go. Love.

Be a Stephanie.

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Shut It Down and Shut It Up

We all say it.  Every woman I know says, “I hate drama” or “I’m too old for drama” or some other variation.  So then why do we do it?  Why do we get tangled up in gossip even when we have the best intentions at heart?  We all fall victims to ourselves, relishing in the spread of information that was never ours to receive.  Why don’t we stop it when it starts?  Instead we justify and say, “Well I know I’m not going to tell anyone” or “We should pray for this couple”.  Why do we rationalize gossip?

I could give you my opinions.  The same ones you probably share.  We want to feel better about ourselves or we want to feel included, we want to fit in or seem like we are “in the know”.  But when we all have seen and have fallen victims to gossip and the damage it does and the hurt it creates.  Why do we continue?

Let me ask you this tough question: Are you a mean girl?  Am I?  Yes.  Irrevocably, yes.  If we participate in the dirt on someone’s marriage or the elective surgeries of someone in a friend circle, we are mean girls.

Have you ever been caught gossiping?  There is so much shame.  So much shame in knowing I couldn’t stop myself.  So much shame knowing I cared more about hearing what was wrong in someone else’s life than about doing something to build them up.  So much shame knowing that feeling like I was being included was more important than reaching out to the person who was being left out and singled out.

It’s so ugly.  It’s so mean.  We are better than this.   We need to shut it down and shut ourselves up.

P.S. Any information or conversations I have with ANYONE I keep confidential.  Recently, I have experienced a situation where that same courtesy was not given to me.  And it hurt.  I got hurt.