Tag: love

Posted on

You Will Always Get My Christmas Card

Excerpt from Southern Living, “The Etiquette of Taking Someone Off Your Christmas Card List”, October 31, 2023

{“Most people, out of habit, stick to the same ‘holiday card list’ they have used for years and sometimes decades, which is often outdated for one reason or another,” said Diane Gottsman, international etiquette expert, author, and founder of the Protocol School of Texas. “Relationships change, friendships wane, and people (physically and literally) move on.”

If your list hasn’t been updated in several years, it may be time to reexamine it—and perhaps make a few cuts. Read on for the etiquette on how to remove someone from your Christmas card list.}

I’m not here to judge. The cost of Christmas cards can really add up. Price per card, paper quality, foil lined envelopes, postage; I understand.

Some of you don’t do Christmas cards and I understand that too. It’s not your thing and I totally get it.

But it’s my thing. I love to send Christmas cards for many reasons. One being that I’m proud of my family. Not proud in a “keeping up with the joneses” type of way but proud in a “damn, we made it” type of way.

Another reason I love to send Christmas cards is because for many on my list it will be the only point of contact I’ll have with you this year. And if you are on my list then you are someone from my past who impacted me in such a way as to carve yourself onto my heart. Old co-workers who felt like family, friends I laughed with in church 15 years ago, people I hardly know who sent meals and gift cards when my baby was in the hospital, teachers who have selflessly embraced my most difficult child …… just to name a few.

I’ve thought only a few times about reducing my Christmas card list; usually when money has felt especially tight. But I just can’t seem to hit delete without feeling as though I’m in turn deleting the memories. Every name on my list is a person who has provided counsel, friendship, care, love, service, laughter, a place to lean or some combination of those things and I want you to know that …… I can’t delete you.

My Christmas card list is the unexpected reminder each year of how beautiful this world is. How filled with goodness this world is. How good the people of this world are. Even on the darkest of holiday seasons when I don’t even want to try and see the good things, I look at my list and am reminded of how many people have decided to show up for me over the years. And quite frankly, I don’t want to ‘move on’ from you.

If you receive a card from me and feel as though you need to send one back, you don’t. Please don’t trouble yourself. If you don’t send cards and feel guilty when you receive one from me; please don’t. If you are someone who does in fact weed out people from their card list and think I’m shaming you; I’m not.

I send Christmas cards because I want you to know that I still like thinking about you. That I still cherish our quiet, distant and otherwise obsolete friendship.

You will always get my Christmas card.

Posted on

Be A Stephanie

I have a personal motto/affirmation I say to myself whenever I am tempted to give in to social anxieties. The motto is simple and to the point: Be a Stephanie.

What on God’s green earth does that mean, you might ask. Well, it’s simple. In a world full of timid interactions and second-guessed moments: Be a Stephanie.

Who on God’s green earth is Stephanie, you might ask. Well it’s an odd story. Stephanie is a girl/woman/lady I meet at a mutual friends bachelorette party. Stephanie was at this party solo.  She knew no one other than the bride and had flown into Chicago from New Jersey just for this party. The spectacular thing about Stephanie is that I had no idea she didn’t know anyone until hours into the party, when I had already decided I liked her.

Stephanie took initiative in starting conversations and was the first to offer help to the hosts at every turn. Conversation with Stephanie wasn’t simply pleasant and definitely wasn’t awkward. Talking to Stephanie was as easy as talking to any good friend.

Stephanie’s view of and appreciation for the company surrounding her was obvious. Even though she didn’t know them, she genuinely seemed to like where she was at that moment. Her heart for the guest of honor was obvious.  Repeatedly stating that she just wanted the bride-to-be to have the absolute best time of her life that night. Stephanie didn’t just say that but she took action to make it happen. Her decisions throughout the night were not based on her own comfort or enjoyment but on the comfort and enjoyment of the bachelorette.

I have never seen Stephanie again since that bachelorette party. I don’t even know her last name to find her on Facebook. But her spirit made an incredible impact on my life in a short 24 hours. Telling my husband about the party on the way home I spoke of Stephanie and I said: I want to be a Stephanie. I want to make other people feel as good and included as Stephanie made me feel.

So there you have it. When I’m in a situation where I’m uncertain of my surroundings. When I’m not sure how to act or who to talk to and find myself questioning each moment rather than enjoying them I remind myself: Be a Stephanie.

Rather than worry if others are seeing you, make others feel seen.

Rather than trying to be the life of the party, make sure others feel heard.

Rather than recoiling after an odd interaction with someone, move on. Let go. Love.

Be a Stephanie.

Posted on

Finding Joy

It’s been a week since I started this challenge of vulnerability.  My therapist says that I have vulnerability issues.  I laughed when she said that.  I laughed because it was one of those moments when your life is completely shaken by one simple observation.  One simple observation that explains a thousand moments of stress and regret.  I have a hard time being vulnerable.  But then again, who doesn’t?

We are living in front of screens and not people.  We are texting and not talking.  We are listening to podcasts and not to people.  And everything we consume appears perfect.  Perfectly dressed, perfectly posed, perfectly lit, perfectly photo-shopped and perfectly captioned with the perfect #Hashtag.   And I’m guilty.  I’ve tried so hard to keep up.  To fit in online.  To get more likes or comments.

The night my therapist told me I have vulnerability issues I went on a walk.  I decided to listen to a podcast during my walk and absolutely by chance clicked on a podcast conversation between Oprah and Brene Brown.  Just so happens Brene Brown was talking to Oprah about vulnerability.  It was a God moment for me.  How could the conversation with my therapist and my random choice of podcast be a coincidence?  I had something to learn and I could have walked for hours listening to the knowledge of this woman who also struggles with vulnerability.  And here’s what I learned.  Without vulnerability we have no authenticity, no creativity and make it explicitly difficult to ever really truly feel joy.

What does vulnerability have to do with joy you ask?  Well, if I build-up my walls to avoid feeling bad feelings (shame, guilt, fear, disappointment, regret etc.) how do good feelings make it through the walls?  It makes fundamental sense that you can’t isolate out the bad and only feel the good.  If I’m not willing to lean-in to the bad, I can’t lean-in to the good.  And I can admit that I don’t often feel joy.  Because I’m not sure how to lean-in to those moments.

Long-story short it came down practicing creativity creates comfort-ability with vulnerability, which in turn will lead to a more authentic state of self.  That’s where I’m headed.  So I’m writing, using my creativity and putting it out there.  Opening myself up and being vulnerable in the search for true, genuine and pro-longed moments of joy.

 

 

Posted on

I Don’t Even Recognize Her

I don’t even recognize her.  She was so full of life and hope.  Nothing could stop her, nothing could slow her down or convince her to change course.  She’d never be defeated; her trust was in the Lord.

Today, her spirit isn’t jaded or weakened but thankful and stronger.  She hasn’t learned the hard way but has learned God’s way.  It’s work.  She’s been disciplined through love; for a greater purpose.  Her story isn’t the result of naivety but of hope.

I remember when she was asked to do the hard thing.  Her confidence.  So self-assured and focused on the goal set before her.

Now she’s living it.  It isn’t a goal or daydream full of whimsy but a reality.  She’s where God called her – the hard place.  Her confidence is not diminished but re-assigned, it’s no longer in her but in Him.  She’s no longer thinking that she is strong enough but that He is strong enough.  She’s seeing firsthand what He can do through a willing heart.  She is tired but wise.  She has been hurt but hasn’t lost.  She has failed and seen redemption.  Today, she is not less but more.  She has failed but hasn’t lost focus.

I don’t even recognize her.  Maybe I don’t want to.  Maybe I’m embarrassed of her.  The young woman I was 10 years ago.  I loved a God I didn’t really know.